Ways to Disgust Your Cat

Open a can of refried beans.

Cats have some sort of genetic encoding that recognizes the sound of a can opener and connects that sound to tuna.  And cats are such optimists when it comes to the can opener sound.  They will crawl out hiding or suddenly show up on the front porch, yowling to be let in when they even sense that the can opener is in use.  They do this even when their humans are strict vegetarians.  They may eat a few bites, but ultimately, they will look at you like have tortured them and slink off to pout.

Open a can of tuna and refuse to share.

If you don’t even offer the cat some of the tuna juice, your cat will make you pay.  I’m just saying.

Give you cat salmon or shrimp, after you’ve blackened it.

Cats usually like shrimp and salmon.  They don’t care for hot pepper or garlic and the combination really turns them off.  They expect that when you offer them food, that you will take their tastes into consideration.  When you don’t, they get insulted.  They are likely to sniff the tainted fish or shrimp, push it around with their paw and look at you pitifully, as if to say, “How could you do this to me?”

Offer your cat sauerkraut.

Even if your cat begs for it, do not under any circumstances, give your cat sauerkraut.  Not even if your cat rubs against your leg, tries to hypnotize you, or crawls up your pants to get to closer to your fork. The instant your cat gets a close sniff of the sauerkraut, they will react and it won’t be pretty.  The evil looks spurred by refried beans or hot sauce are nothing like the spiteful glare of a cat who’s just been offered sauerkraut.  It will make you want to worry about going to sleep at night.

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About reginasewell

I am a counselor, psychodramatist, writer, healing practitioner and college professor. I have a monthly column, "InsightOut" in Outlook (www.outlookcolumbus.com), an essay, "Sliding Away" in "Knowing Pains" and a book out "We're Here! We're Here! We're Queer! Get Used to Us!" My goal, through my writing, counseling and teaching is to help people heal from the emotional wounds and limiting beliefs that keep them from living engaging and meaningful lives.
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